im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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