I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
