also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
