I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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