I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Success! We fucked roommates!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
