MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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