ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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