So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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