I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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