So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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