I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
