all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
