he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
