The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
