Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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