How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
