you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He shit in the fireplace
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
