Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
