dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
