butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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