a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
