Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
