This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
