Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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