I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
