just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
