Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
