i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
