so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
