it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
