I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
