Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
