It's like God shit irony all over that family
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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