my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
