You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
