I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
