Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
