Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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