this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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