My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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