I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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