I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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