So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
