If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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