you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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