please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
