I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
