If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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