Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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