then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
