Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
