You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
