guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
